Alright, I am fairly new at dating. But, I have very good intuition to know that if I keep dating that the same result shall continue to happen. The world is not like it used to be. Guys are not as forgiving as they say they are. The world is very corrupt and has a lot of lying inside of it. Guys may say they don't care about something, but that is wrong.
Well, the reason I've decided to give it up for now is, that i'm not in the best place in life. I'd like my situation to be sturdy and ideal for me to even consider it an option. I'm sick of being told I am way friendly and that they can only love me as a friend. Well fine then. If they want a bitch who nags them they can have her. They won't get someone who loves and treasures them more than me.
I want to have the clothing I so desire to have. I want to be living on my own. I want to have a dependable car with decent gas mileage. I want to get in shape. I want to eat a healthy diet. I want to not be an inconvenience to anyone. I want to have my dream job or something I enjoy. I want to have my cards straight and my life to be worth it. I don't think dating is ever wise at our young ages. Lots of heartbreak, lots of financial burdens [gas, food, cost of entertainment expenses, etc.], and SO not worth the drama.
SURE, kissing is great, cuddling is amazing, sleeping together is nice and sex is supposedly amazing too. But what are the negatives? I'll tell you. For me it has caused me constant doubt, constant worry, constant wonderment. If you can avoid the negatives that can cause toxicity in one's brain then go right for the loving and hassle of dating. But, I am more strong by myself then with anyone else. I do not need to depend on someone. I'd rather they depend on me for emotional support, and love. Not anything else.
And to all of those readers out there who don't think i'm correct about my decision, you may be right, in some aspects it might be dumb to not try to put myself out there when everyone else is looking for someone. But, guess what? Boys at this age [15- 23] [I shall call them boys because they sure as hell don't act like men] are not mature enough for me. Most of them do not want to settle down with one girl. They have fantasies of having harems and oodles and oodles of love. Hey, I said MOST didn't I? There's a few exceptions. But, chances are those few exceptions are taken. Because they were willing to give their all to someone they care about.
Yeah, I know, I am bitter, but what else could I be? There are reasons so many people may be single. It's a way to get to the happy land in life without any baggage. Then when you get to the happy land you can find someone else who did the same thing. You'll both be stable together, and ready for love. A lot of us jump out there way before we are ready.
Anyhow thanks for reading. ;D Have a good day.
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Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
I've been thinking...
About psychopathy. In all honesty, two days ago I felt like I was a sociopath. But today, I wrote a list of what is different between me and them [more along the lines of Anti-social personality disorder, but who cares].
The List:
Why I'm not an S:
- I only use lying when it's unavoidable. [To avoid harm to the other person]
- I don't feel the urge to hurt anyone in anyway. I don't feel the need to destroy. I don't feel the need to kill.
- I have a lot of anxiety
- I don't cling to social norms [fashion mostly, and traditions] because they can be expensive. Not because I don't want to or whatnot. I just like being myself. It isn't being defiant to society.
- I get nervous A LOT
- I like HORROR movies for the psychology of them. That's why I don't like them all. That's why I only like specific ones. Some are just plain stupid.
- I like HORROR for its endless storytelling and endless possibilities.
- I am only fearless when I need to be. I am normally cautious, and skeptical.
- I like gore because its interesting, and I know it isn't real.
- I like violence in movies because its generally to put someone in their place, and put someone that has done wrong back where they stand, and to show them they aren't in the right.
- I haven't cried at death [the last 2 I've dealt with not so much] in my family in awhile, but I'm realizing that is just my coping mechanism to be able to not think about something atrociously sad [I'm pretty sure the grief has come out every time I cry though, which is often enough].
- I am rarely ever bored because I can keep myself at peace and entertained and I can engage with those around me.
- I never want to steal.
- I don't see the value in cheating, and find it despicable.
- I can merely suppress my emotions when I need to, but they truly are always there, whereas in sociopaths, they literally don't feel much at all.
WHAT I AM:
- INTROVERTED
- Misunderstood
- Individualistic
-Smart
- Modest
- Realist/Optimist
- Loving and Caring
-Generous
- Giving
- Young
- Practical
A LOVER NOT A FIGHTER
I also found out I have the personality type: INFJ.
Introversion over extroversion: I feel more energized alone then with people, and in a crowd I have super huge anxiety from all of the mixed emotions circling around.
Intuition over sensing: I can see the bigger picture and not focus so much on the details.
Feeling over thinking: I think about social implications over logic more often than not.
Judging over perceiving: I like planning, and I like predictability.
So, actually, I am quite the opposite of a sociopath. I am more an empath than anyone I've ever met. As a 'INFJ' personality, I have the uncanny ability to understand how others feel, and I can see right through them. My brain is so overwhelmed by emotion that maybe that's why I felt like I was a sociopath for a little while there, because it feels like I'm numb sometimes. I'm also going through a new passage of time in my life and going into a new chapter. I'm guessing that because i'm graduating from high school and that I feel like I'll never see these people again, my favorite teachers, that I'm coping by shutting down. I'm also over thinking about it, that in the long run none of these people will remember me.
Apparently, INFJs are prone to depression, more specifically, bi-polar disorder. As a whole, we feel misunderstood [I am vastly misunderstood by everyone], unappreciated, used, and lonely. Our group is more likely to want to die, instead of deal with the despair and hopelessness we feel once in awhile.
On the brighter note, we are the people that others can rely on fully. We are the helpers, and the lovers, the caring people, and the understanding ones. We are the accepters, and the peacemakers. We also love nature, and all animals. We have the need to understand everything before we criticize it. We can change our minds when new information comes. We are flexible. We dream about the future, and not so much about the present. The long term matters more to us. The big picture is better.
More on INFJ:
http://personalityjunkie.com/the-infj/
Check out what personality type you have:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
See more about what a real sociopath is:
http://www.sociopathworld.com/
Follow me on Twitter
Follow me on Tumblr
Watch me on Deviant Art
Subscribe to me on YouTube [Its not a vlog or anything, just AMVS, really]
The List:
Why I'm not an S:
- I only use lying when it's unavoidable. [To avoid harm to the other person]
- I don't feel the urge to hurt anyone in anyway. I don't feel the need to destroy. I don't feel the need to kill.
- I have a lot of anxiety
- I don't cling to social norms [fashion mostly, and traditions] because they can be expensive. Not because I don't want to or whatnot. I just like being myself. It isn't being defiant to society.
- I get nervous A LOT
- I like HORROR movies for the psychology of them. That's why I don't like them all. That's why I only like specific ones. Some are just plain stupid.
- I like HORROR for its endless storytelling and endless possibilities.
- I am only fearless when I need to be. I am normally cautious, and skeptical.
- I like gore because its interesting, and I know it isn't real.
- I like violence in movies because its generally to put someone in their place, and put someone that has done wrong back where they stand, and to show them they aren't in the right.
- I haven't cried at death [the last 2 I've dealt with not so much] in my family in awhile, but I'm realizing that is just my coping mechanism to be able to not think about something atrociously sad [I'm pretty sure the grief has come out every time I cry though, which is often enough].
- I am rarely ever bored because I can keep myself at peace and entertained and I can engage with those around me.
- I never want to steal.
- I don't see the value in cheating, and find it despicable.
- I can merely suppress my emotions when I need to, but they truly are always there, whereas in sociopaths, they literally don't feel much at all.
WHAT I AM:
- INTROVERTED
- Misunderstood
- Individualistic
-Smart
- Modest
- Realist/Optimist
- Loving and Caring
-Generous
- Giving
- Young
- Practical
A LOVER NOT A FIGHTER
I also found out I have the personality type: INFJ.
Introversion over extroversion: I feel more energized alone then with people, and in a crowd I have super huge anxiety from all of the mixed emotions circling around.
Intuition over sensing: I can see the bigger picture and not focus so much on the details.
Feeling over thinking: I think about social implications over logic more often than not.
Judging over perceiving: I like planning, and I like predictability.
So, actually, I am quite the opposite of a sociopath. I am more an empath than anyone I've ever met. As a 'INFJ' personality, I have the uncanny ability to understand how others feel, and I can see right through them. My brain is so overwhelmed by emotion that maybe that's why I felt like I was a sociopath for a little while there, because it feels like I'm numb sometimes. I'm also going through a new passage of time in my life and going into a new chapter. I'm guessing that because i'm graduating from high school and that I feel like I'll never see these people again, my favorite teachers, that I'm coping by shutting down. I'm also over thinking about it, that in the long run none of these people will remember me.
Apparently, INFJs are prone to depression, more specifically, bi-polar disorder. As a whole, we feel misunderstood [I am vastly misunderstood by everyone], unappreciated, used, and lonely. Our group is more likely to want to die, instead of deal with the despair and hopelessness we feel once in awhile.
On the brighter note, we are the people that others can rely on fully. We are the helpers, and the lovers, the caring people, and the understanding ones. We are the accepters, and the peacemakers. We also love nature, and all animals. We have the need to understand everything before we criticize it. We can change our minds when new information comes. We are flexible. We dream about the future, and not so much about the present. The long term matters more to us. The big picture is better.
More on INFJ:
http://personalityjunkie.com/the-infj/
Check out what personality type you have:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
See more about what a real sociopath is:
http://www.sociopathworld.com/
Follow me on Twitter
Follow me on Tumblr
Watch me on Deviant Art
Subscribe to me on YouTube [Its not a vlog or anything, just AMVS, really]
Sunday, June 1, 2014
What I've been thinking about recently
I am living with my parents, and I want to move out. I really do. I don't hate them, and, honestly, I love them a lot, we are really close, and this isn't a dysfunctional family. But I do need my personal space, and in my situation, where I won't go into the details, I really do need to move out. As the person I am, I really do dread doing the same job all of the time.
I am weird when it comes to keeping at the same thing. Of course I can do that if the attention is put on it as not always, but every once in awhile. I've been in Band, Choir and, NJROTC, and Culinary Arts.
Band: 5 years [Middle School which is 6-8 to Sophomore year of high school]
Culinary: 2 1/2 years [Foods at LHS, and Culinary 1 and 2 at EHS]
Choir: 2 years [EHS]
NJROTC: 2 years [LHS]
All in which, are a big commitment, but at the same time, pretty passive for me because I enjoy them quite a lot, and they have been classes, so I go to them no matter what. If they were sports, or a club, they would get in the way ALL of the time. Whereas, Band was a big commitment in the first half of those years because of marching band and the two concerts we had and I'm a percussionist. And NJROTC [Naval Junior ROTC] had a lot of uniform inspections, and every other week PT where you had to dress down in a specific outfit. But, all in all, these are mostly passive things for me to do. I can do them with little difficulty, and they are so entertaining to me that, why wouldn't I want to continue? There are not too many negatives with these classes and they taught me a lot of life skills, like cooking, getting a project done by a plan, practicing, being on time, looking nice and professional, self discipline. Whereas I can't say the same about sports and after school clubs, or leadership [The top kids of the school putting on the pep assemblies and whatnot].
Anyhow, back to the point. I've decided, that I'm more than likely to go look for temp jobs regarding the computer. I'm pretty good at this. I can use all of the Microsoft programs, and most of the adobe programs. I can learn how to use a program through tutorials, and just exploring a program on my own. I can also type without looking at the keyboard almost fully accurately. My grammar and spelling is very good, and my word choice varies on the situation. I also can type at upwards of 60 WPM and I have never taken a typing class, which means, if I want to improve my speed, I can most likely, do so.
I'm still not to my finishing point, but to truly understand my reasoning behind all of this, you have to get to know me, and my antics. Anyhow, I decided because I'm young, and I don't have anything holding me down as far as debts, children, housing, that I can do what I want. I've decided it'd be best for me to rent a monthly apartment and take temp jobs. Temp jobs are also the best way to get hired in some place as a keeper, and as an asset to a company [without college or with minimal college].
Again, not to my finishing point, ha, ha. Well, i'll end it here. The reason for my wanting a temp job, and a monthly rent apartment, is that I want to be the best I can be. I want to travel the world. I want to bike everywhere. Its literally one of my favorite things to do. If I can see the world cheaply, then I will. Sooner or later my area will have over 60 miles of a bike trail replacing the railroad tracks. From Enumclaw, Washington to Bothell, WA. I have decided that the summer they actually have that made, I will take a week off to travel it. I will have savings of over 1000 dollars and spend minimally. I will take a tent, and lots of water [about 3 gallons] and rest every two hours. I will have a map and destinations for the next camp ground. And if there isn't a camp ground in a good vicinity of what I can bike, I will merely cough up sixty dollars to stay in a lower end motel. I also want to bike everywhere. I want to see the states before I lose my opportunity. I want to be healthy, and active, but with a lot of enjoyment, not with the boring aspect of running or walking or just lifting weights by myself.
I am weird when it comes to keeping at the same thing. Of course I can do that if the attention is put on it as not always, but every once in awhile. I've been in Band, Choir and, NJROTC, and Culinary Arts.
Band: 5 years [Middle School which is 6-8 to Sophomore year of high school]
Culinary: 2 1/2 years [Foods at LHS, and Culinary 1 and 2 at EHS]
Choir: 2 years [EHS]
NJROTC: 2 years [LHS]
All in which, are a big commitment, but at the same time, pretty passive for me because I enjoy them quite a lot, and they have been classes, so I go to them no matter what. If they were sports, or a club, they would get in the way ALL of the time. Whereas, Band was a big commitment in the first half of those years because of marching band and the two concerts we had and I'm a percussionist. And NJROTC [Naval Junior ROTC] had a lot of uniform inspections, and every other week PT where you had to dress down in a specific outfit. But, all in all, these are mostly passive things for me to do. I can do them with little difficulty, and they are so entertaining to me that, why wouldn't I want to continue? There are not too many negatives with these classes and they taught me a lot of life skills, like cooking, getting a project done by a plan, practicing, being on time, looking nice and professional, self discipline. Whereas I can't say the same about sports and after school clubs, or leadership [The top kids of the school putting on the pep assemblies and whatnot].
Anyhow, back to the point. I've decided, that I'm more than likely to go look for temp jobs regarding the computer. I'm pretty good at this. I can use all of the Microsoft programs, and most of the adobe programs. I can learn how to use a program through tutorials, and just exploring a program on my own. I can also type without looking at the keyboard almost fully accurately. My grammar and spelling is very good, and my word choice varies on the situation. I also can type at upwards of 60 WPM and I have never taken a typing class, which means, if I want to improve my speed, I can most likely, do so.
I'm still not to my finishing point, but to truly understand my reasoning behind all of this, you have to get to know me, and my antics. Anyhow, I decided because I'm young, and I don't have anything holding me down as far as debts, children, housing, that I can do what I want. I've decided it'd be best for me to rent a monthly apartment and take temp jobs. Temp jobs are also the best way to get hired in some place as a keeper, and as an asset to a company [without college or with minimal college].
Again, not to my finishing point, ha, ha. Well, i'll end it here. The reason for my wanting a temp job, and a monthly rent apartment, is that I want to be the best I can be. I want to travel the world. I want to bike everywhere. Its literally one of my favorite things to do. If I can see the world cheaply, then I will. Sooner or later my area will have over 60 miles of a bike trail replacing the railroad tracks. From Enumclaw, Washington to Bothell, WA. I have decided that the summer they actually have that made, I will take a week off to travel it. I will have savings of over 1000 dollars and spend minimally. I will take a tent, and lots of water [about 3 gallons] and rest every two hours. I will have a map and destinations for the next camp ground. And if there isn't a camp ground in a good vicinity of what I can bike, I will merely cough up sixty dollars to stay in a lower end motel. I also want to bike everywhere. I want to see the states before I lose my opportunity. I want to be healthy, and active, but with a lot of enjoyment, not with the boring aspect of running or walking or just lifting weights by myself.
This is my first 'REAL' Personal, nitty, and gritty blog.
Hello everyone. I doubt anyone will read this because this website doesn't necessarily get a ton of views on every blogger. But if I do amass a following, then great! In this blog, I'd like to talk about life issues, like religion, grammar, and anything that comes to my mind. It can be politics, health, or just random internet debacles. If you don't agree with me, then we can have debate.
Just remember not to follow this blog if you don't like my views. But if you do, then it'll be awesome. We can be internet buddies, and whatnot. This is just the first of many posts, so be prepared.
Follow me on Twitter
Follow me on Tumblr
Watch me on Deviant Art
Subscribe to me on YouTube [Its not a vlog or anything, just AMVS, really]
Just remember not to follow this blog if you don't like my views. But if you do, then it'll be awesome. We can be internet buddies, and whatnot. This is just the first of many posts, so be prepared.
Follow me on Twitter
Follow me on Tumblr
Watch me on Deviant Art
Subscribe to me on YouTube [Its not a vlog or anything, just AMVS, really]
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