I've been thinking...

About psychopathy. In all honesty, two days ago I felt like I was a sociopath. But today, I wrote a list of what is different between me and them [more along the lines of Anti-social personality disorder, but who cares].

The List:

Why I'm not an S:
- I only use lying when it's unavoidable. [To avoid harm to the other person]
- I don't feel the urge to hurt anyone in anyway. I don't feel the need to destroy. I don't feel the need to kill.
- I have a lot of anxiety
- I don't cling to social norms [fashion mostly, and traditions] because they can be expensive. Not because I don't want to or whatnot. I just like being myself. It isn't being defiant to society. 
- I get nervous A LOT
- I like HORROR movies for the psychology of them. That's why I don't like them all. That's why I only like specific ones. Some are just plain stupid.
- I like HORROR for its endless storytelling and endless possibilities. 
- I am only fearless when I need to be. I am normally cautious, and skeptical.
- I like gore because its interesting, and I know it isn't real.
- I like violence in movies because its generally to put someone in their place, and put someone that has done wrong back where they stand, and to show them they aren't in the right.
- I haven't cried at death [the last 2 I've dealt with not so much] in my family in awhile, but I'm realizing that is just my coping mechanism to be able to not think about something atrociously sad [I'm pretty sure the grief has come out every time I cry though, which is often enough]. 
- I am rarely ever bored because I can keep myself at peace and entertained and I can engage with those around me. 
- I never want to steal. 
- I don't see the value in cheating, and find it despicable. 
- I can merely suppress my emotions when I need to, but they truly are always there, whereas in sociopaths, they literally don't feel much at all. 

WHAT I AM:
 - INTROVERTED
- Misunderstood
- Individualistic
-Smart
- Modest
- Realist/Optimist
- Loving and Caring
-Generous
- Giving
- Young
- Practical 
A LOVER NOT A FIGHTER



I also found out I have the personality type: INFJ.
Introversion over extroversion: I feel more energized alone then with people, and in a crowd I have super huge anxiety from all of the mixed emotions circling around.
Intuition over sensing: I can see the bigger picture and not focus so much on the details.
Feeling over thinking: I think about social implications over logic more often than not.
Judging over perceiving: I like planning, and I like predictability. 

So, actually, I am quite the opposite of a sociopath. I am more an empath than anyone I've ever met. As a 'INFJ' personality, I have the uncanny ability to understand how others feel, and I can see right through them. My brain is so overwhelmed by emotion that maybe that's why I felt like I was a sociopath for a little while there, because it feels like I'm numb sometimes. I'm also going through a new passage of time in my life and going into a new chapter. I'm guessing that because i'm graduating from high school and that I feel like I'll never see these people again, my favorite teachers, that I'm coping by shutting down. I'm also over thinking about it, that in the long run none of these people will remember me. 

Apparently, INFJs are prone to depression, more specifically, bi-polar disorder. As a whole, we feel misunderstood [I am vastly misunderstood by everyone], unappreciated, used, and lonely. Our group is more likely to want to die, instead of deal with the despair and hopelessness we feel once in awhile. 

On the brighter note, we are the people that others can rely on fully. We are the helpers, and the lovers, the caring people, and the understanding ones. We are the accepters, and the peacemakers. We also love nature, and all animals. We have the need to understand everything before we criticize it. We can change our minds when new information comes. We are flexible. We dream about the future, and not so much about the present. The long term matters more to us. The big picture is better. 
More on INFJ: 
http://personalityjunkie.com/the-infj/

Check out what personality type you have:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
See more about what a real sociopath is: 
http://www.sociopathworld.com/


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